The cat is out of the bag.
Today, we are announcing a bold new direction for the Emory University Department of Chemistry. Henceforth, we will be known as the Emory University Department of Cat-Mistry. We will study chemistry entirely and exclusively through the lens of Felis catus, the common house cat.
This new direction just makes sense. We expect to be very successful in grant competitons and to attract the best students in the country to our one-of-a-kind program. Yes, we did consider dogs. But the name wasn't as catchy.
We're excited about this new journey. Cats have a lot to teach us.
I believe that the central dog-ma has a lot to teach us about cats.
Harnessing the power of Darwinian evolution to explore the origins of cats. Where did they come from? Where are they going? And why are they so fluffy?
We've always used lasers in our work. Cats like chasing lasers. It is a logical transition for us. We just need to figure out proper feline PPE.
After many years pioneering advances in green chemistry, we're switching gears to focus entirely on cat-alysis. We're also going to be working on developing environmentally-friendly kitty litter.
People keep saying this is going to be a big change. But I've been herding cats for years.
Cat-alysis and novel strategies for total cat-synthesis. The NSF-funded Center for Selective C-H Functionalization will immediately be converted into a kitten nursery. An ancillary service core will focus on pioneering the development of faster, cleaner, cheaper cat toys.
At first, I wasn't sure I wanted to leave astrochemistry to focus on cat-mistry. However, staring into the eyes of my beautiful cat, Star (pictured), really is just as good as exploring the infinite universe.
Experiments and calculations designed to get to the heart of the structure, reactivity, and dynamics of cats. With special expertise in the controversial research area: are some cats really like dogs or is that just something cat people say?
Why does the internet seem to consist mostly of cats? I don't think it's incidental.
In partnership with the Emerson Center for Scientific Computation, we will use advanced quantum and classical computational methods to investigate cats.
This is a welcome shift in direction for our majors. Also, why don't cats like shopping online? Because they prefer cat-alogues!
Our exciting reimagining of the undergraduate curriculum, Chemistry Unbound, has received national attention for reframing the student experience.
We expect Cat-Mistry Unbound to make an even bigger splash.
Undergraduates at Emory will now be immersed in the study of cats. Appropriately, early classes will focus on kittens:
- When do kittens open their eyes?
- Why are kittens so adorable?
- How do kittens conserve energy?
The program of study will progress to more advanced topics:
- Lions, Tigers (not Bears)
- Why do cats purr?
Cat-Mistry Unbound will prepare students for a wide range of cutting-edge, cat-related careers, from cat caretaker, to cat food scientist, to regular chemist who has a very happy pet cat.
I'm very confident that we are the best cat-mistry graduate program in the country. I'm excited about what we have to offer to our students and to cats.
Our already competitive financial support for graduate students is getting even better. In addition to a $31,000 base stipend, 100% tuition waiver, 100% insurance subsidy, and up to $7,500 in non-competitive professional development funding per student, admitted students entering in Fall 2020 will also receive a free cat.
In addition to research, we require six graduate courses and two semesters of T.A. as part of each student's training. We're a little concerned that our average time-to-degree of 4.9 years might go up as people take more cat naps. But that's a risk we're willing to take.
My Emory experience has taught me to collaborate, innovate, and to never pet cats on their tummy no matter how much they look like they want you to.
Our program gives students an opportunity to build their skills in cat husbandry and the design of cat-related research through a series of milestones.
- Second Year Qualifying Exam
- Third Year Research Quad Proposals
- Fourth Year Original Research Proposal
We will also accept the submission of original cat memes and cat-related photography in lieu of any of these requirements.
To learn more about the Emory University Department of Cat-Mistry, contact Kira Walsh, Communications and Outreach Coordinator.
Cats featured on our website include:
- Elvis (Marianne Schneider, College Web Team)
- Everette (Brooke Andrews, Dyer Group)
- Loaf (Aaron Bosse, Davies Group)
- Marvis (Jinhui Meng, Lian Group)
- Mercury (Taylor Farmer Nelson, Blakey Group)
- Pancake (Dr. Frank McDonald)
- Penny (Alexia Prokopik, Dyer Group)
- QiuQiu (Dan Liu, MacBeth Group)
- Rafi (Ha An Nguyen, Dunham Group)
- Seabass (Sean Bresler, Heaven Group)
- Smokey (Cassie Zaremba, Wuest Group)
- Star (Dr. Jeremy Weaver & Dr. Susanna Widicus Weaver)
- Tuanzi (Jia Song, Salaita Group)
- Teddy (Dr. Megan Friddle)
- Yuki (Wenbin Liu, Davies Group)